continued from September 1, 2018
A small, squirrelly man came around in front of me, his thick eyebrows set together in a stern and angry face.
“You’re not very big,” I observed. “You stand-what? Five-two? Three? Maybe…”
“You’re going to die today,” he muttered.
“We have a bigger problem,” I said, looking up at him.
“What’s that?” he snapped.
“I have pissed my pants, and now I need a clean pair. Your companions are bigger than me, and your’s would make me look like I was waiting for the flood waters. Then there’s the whole issue of underwear…” I said, my eyes getting wide.
“Wha-Why are you so,” he paused looking for the right word.
“Sweet? Charismatic? Handsome? Well you see, my father-”
“Annoying! You’re so fucking annoying,” he erupted, his face turning a wonderful shade of rose.
“Do you have time for a story? It started a long time ago, I’d say probably ten or twelve years now-” Another boot to the ribs, this time I felt a crack as the air rushed out of my lungs.
“Shut the hell up!” the tiny man yelled, “It’s no wonder he wants you dead!”
“You’re mistaken, sir,” I replied, feeling a pinch every time I breathed in, “people don’t want me dead, they think I’m sweet and endearing, maybe a little comical, but certainly not worthy of death.”
“Get him up,” Tiny man said, “Get him to the chair, we’re going to do this a little faster than I thought…”
“You don’t want to do this,” I said shaking my head, “I’m telling you, you’re making a huge mistake. My friend, whom I was eating lunch with, will be here very soon to retrieve me. You don’t want to be here when she arrives.”
Ignoring me completely, the men grabbed my arms and dragged me away from the tiny man. He was smiling-at least I think he was smiling-as he followed behind.
“Are you okay?” I asked the tiny man, “You look uncomfortable, like gastrointestinal or something. Do you need a break?”
His smile grew, “You don’t know what you’re in to, do you?”
“You’ve told me, I’m going to die today, be tortured slowly, blah blah blah. It’s all the same to me. Gwen will be here soon, so I suppose it really doesn’t matter. While we wait for her, could we go over some things about your kidnapping policy? I’d like to make some suggestions, such as letting a man finish peeing in the bathroom before taking him.”
I took his lack of reply to mean he was listening.
“Also, could we, please, get me some new pants and underwear?” I asked, squirming a little, “This is going to smell, and itch, if we don’t do something about it soon.”
Tiny man must have heard it first. The high-pitched sound of an engine pushed to its limit accompanied by the sound of things crashing into metal.
“There’s Gwen!” I said as the men dropped me and turned to face the sound.
To be continued…