Tall Tales of Sheriff Pete #1

The Landlocked Pirate

“It was the damnedest thing, Desmond,” Pete said with a smile spreading across his face, “You know the Miller boys, right?”

“Steven and Adam, yeah,” Desmond nodded, raising an eyebrow as he set a beer in next to Pete’s hat.

“Well, they have officially outdone themselves today.”

“What do you mean? Are they in trouble?”

“Nothing like that,” Pete said, shaking his head. “Those boys aren’t stupid enough to do anything to warrant me arresting them.

“I was sitting down by the old mill on Ricker’s Lane, just off route seven, eating my lunch and deterring the speeders that come through. I was halfway through my roast beef sandwich when I saw Adam run past my car, screaming like the devil was hot on his tail.

“Then, a moment later Steven passes in front of me. You’ll never guess what he was riding,” Pete paused and chuckled was a shake of his head.

“What was it? Did he ‘borrow’ one of Old Man Ricker’s Horses again?” Desmond asked, making air quotes.

“Not even close, Des,” Pete said, erupting into a hearty laugh. “He was standing on the front of a sailboat, still on its trailer, wearing an eye patch and swinging a lasso over his head laughing shouting that he would ‘catch the yellow land lover that stole his treasure.’”

“Where in the hell did Steven get a sailboat?” Desmond asked.

“Haven’t the foggiest,” Pete admitted, wrapping his hands around his ribs.

“You didn’t stop him?”

“How was I supposed to do that? Tell him to pull over?” Pete laughed, “Besides, the boy looked more determined than I’d ever seen him in my life.”

“Jesus Christ, Pete, what happened after that?”

“No idea,” Pete said, “I was too tickled to go find out. When I called it in, Deb down at dispatch was laughing so hard she had to get off the radio.”

“I hope they are alright,” Desmond said.

“That road ends at the cornfield a the back of their farm. The worse thing that would’ve happened is they messed up some corn and got a boat stuck in the field. They will likely have their father to answer to when he finds it,” Pete replied, laughing harder.

“You’re too much, Pete,” Desmond said, shaking his head. “It’s no small wonder how anything gets done around here with you letting those boys pull things like that.”

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